Spiderman being gay? WTF!

Yesterday a read a news headline on the world wide web that made me smile.

Today I read one that forced me to take medicine, the kind that reduce anxiety and lower blood pressure.  This was a result of reading Andrew Garfield’s idiotic take on exploring a more “flexible sexuality” for Spiderman.  Andrew, what are you smoking, friend?  I expect bullshit like that to flow from the mouth of James Franco, not you.  You should speak to the director, maybe the mask is a little too tight and it doesn’t allow for enough blood circulation to the right body parts…i.e your brain.

When it comes to Superheroes I AM the biggest geek amongst everyone I know.  I have a collection of almost 200 lead figurines of different Marvel heroes.  Yes I am proud of it.  It’s a tourist attraction.  My kids bring their friends to our house to view the spectacle.  The misses wants to know when the collection will end, and I just turn, smile and continue cleaning “My Precious“.  (This would have been really cool if I could write in the actual voice of Gollum!)

I read a lot of articles on various websites, including this one and this one, relating to all kinds of Superhero movie stuff. I know things you don’t…Like the fact that Vin Diesel is currently in talks to portray a character for Marvel in Avengers 2 and that they are planning a movie rendition of Antman.  See, I rocked your world, just now.

I don’t mind if there are slight changes made to a character in the movie version of a story.  There are always good reasons for it.  Examples of successes would be the casting of the late, great Michael Clarke Duncan as Kingpin and now recently, the much celebrated Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury.  It worked.

Stuff that didn’t?  Well the cop-out of using a cloud to showcase Galactus, consumer of worlds in Fantastic Four 2 and the horrendous portrayal of an Emo version of Peter Parker as a result of the symbiotic Venom.

That’s all fine, but why oh why oh why would you want to screw around with Spidey’s sexuality, i.e turning Mary Jane into a dude?  Seriously, Andrew?  Have you really thought this through or did it happen during a recent acid trip?

It is only me, or does it also bug other people that everything and anything is now being modified, altered, incorporated or forced to reflect society’s acceptance of homosexuality.  In all honesty, I don’t care who you love, who you marry or who you hold hands with.  Whatever makes you happy, I roll like that.  It’s your life, your issues and I respect them.  But PLEASE don’t force it down my throat.  (No pun intended.)

www.ew.com Posted another article about incorporating a new character, the long lost daughter of Charlie’s character into the new season of Two and a half men, and guess what…She’s gay.  Whoa.  Did the guys ran out of jokes and now want to include girl-on-girl action?

I am convinced that any homosexual person reading this, will probably shrug it off as another rant from a narrow minded, middle age asshole.  You know, go to hell.  Modern Family is a terrific show, showcasing a happily, hilarious gay couple.  Who didn’t crack up with the antics of Will and Grace?  (Must admit couldn’t get myself to watch Brokeback mountain), but come on.  It is only me or is this whole “accepting gays” becoming a bit much?  Is there a civil rights movement in America for homosexual people that I don’t know about?

Down here in the Southern tip of Africa we get most of the shows produced in The Land of the Free, mainly because our own English shows suck.  Like a lot.  I am not criticizing that either, I am just asking why is there a need to have a gay story line in EVERY series leaving the continent. Ok, I exaggerate slightly.

Yes, I understand it’s not a choice, and yes the community have been ridiculed, and yes you only want respect, and yes yadayadayada.  Fine.  Accepted.

But stop fucking with Spiderman, Andrew Garfield.  He is definitely not gay, and you can ask Stan Lee, he’ll confirm it.

17 responses

  1. Reading that last paragraph 3 times, I’m getting a sense of who may well be the gay one out of the three names mentioned! :)

    1. Well that was what I thought! And what straight man would missed the opportunity to earn a salary for making out with Emma Stone?

  2. Good on you for not shying away from controversial topics!

    1. Sometimes the dad needs to be a dad…Thanks for liking, already have 3…haha.

  3. That’s almost as bad as speculation bandied around about Noddy or Ernie and Bert.

    1. The only reason I can come up with why Andrew might think that Spiderman swings for the other team would be Peter Parker’s affinity towards spandex.

      But still.

      1. I wouldn’t be fussed if he was but I understand your standpoint.

        I would go into bat for Ernie and Bert any day of the week.

      2. Don’t know Ernie or Bert…Sorry.

      3. Please don’t tell me you don’t get Sesame Street in SA.

      4. Yes we do…. I think, but it’s not something I watch, too busy, you know.

      5. You would have though when yours were wee ones, surely?
        I am forced to, under duress of course, by mine, now 6 and 3.

  4. Well, Spiderman is my fave so I’m feeling a bit crushed at the news you’ve shared here. Since I don’t get out much, I would have missed it entirely. I do think you’re on to something about every program having to throw in the “alternative.” We get it. Enough already. So glad to have someone else voice what I’ve only said to my husband. Sometimes it seems like an agenda. But oh no, does that make me a conspiracy theorist?? :)

    1. Thanks for the like and don’t worry, there are worst things than being a conspiracy theorist. You could be as confused as Andrew Garfield…

  5. Coming from a gay guy who hasn’t seen Brokeback Mountain: Spiderman is definitely good looking, but even I wouldn’t want him to be gay. I mean, he’s Spiderman. I think him turning gay would pretty much ruin the entire franchise…I’m sure there’s room in the superhero universe for a couple of gay characters if people want to be so politically correct about it, but please let it not be Spiderman. Or Wolverine. Or Batman. Or any of the Avengers.

    1. Wonder Woman’s bi, Batwoman (not to be confused with Batgirl) is a lesbian, the current Green Lantern of Earth 2 is gay, along with a few of the X-Men, but I think that’s it. I wouldn’t mind seeing more diversity, just as long as they don’t drastically alter well established characters, because it kinda changes who they are. I’d be more than happy to see a totally original solo super hero character who happens to be LGBTQ get their own franchise, I think it’d add an extra layer to the whole secret identity thing. (which is kind of a metaphor for coming out as is). Like if they took the storylines from Batwoman, and just changed her super heroine identity so that she wasn’t a knock-off Bat-character, and then adapted it into a movie it would kick all kinds of ass!

    2. I agree with your sentiment. Create new characters with strong back stories and then the focus on his sexual orientation doesn’t need to be the only thing distinguishing from other hero’s.

  6. […] states only sell Holiday Trees. -After shooting Abraham Lincoln, John Wilkes Booth fled to China. -Is Spiderman gay? -Anyone who wants to know Fifty shades of grey without having to read the damn thing, should […]

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