Password Hell – ‘Nuff said

It has to be the most common annoyance experienced by users of technology everywhere.  As soon as you want to partake in the pleasures and treasures of modern comforts, a password is required.  For every frigging thing.

Where did they get my list of passwords from?

A password is required if you want to buy stuff, read stuff, access stuff, post stuff, play stuff, write stuff, approve stuff, release stuff.  A password is even required if you just want to retrieve your own goddamn stuff.  You end up with a thousand different places where you need to type in those eight crucial characters.

The problem is an obvious one:  What normal human being has the ability to remember all the different passwords that is required for daily functioning?

No one, I tell ya.  Not one single person.  (And Spock is not a person.)

The reality is that most people simply pick one.  A password for everything.  One word that rule them all.  One that grants the user the ability to access everything about you.  A whole Internet portfolio available if you know the crazy combination of the user.  Allowing cyber criminals the opportunity, to not only hijack your credit card, but steal your blood and kidneys as well.

The second conundrum in selecting a password is finding something that you will remember tomorrow.

So it will most probably end up being something relatable.  Something the user likes or dislikes.  Maybe a favourite movie.  Or band.  And this proves that the spy movies are accurate.  You know which ones I’m referring too?  Those where the hacker sits and access a computer because he sees a painting in the study and types in the painter’s name that appears on the golden frame.  And we think what poor sod would choose such an obvious, easy password?  And we laugh at the ridiculousness of the scene.  The absurdity of another Hollywood cop-out.

Well here’s my little secret.  I’m very close to that sod.  I am SO hackable.  Hollywood might know something after all.

Anyhow, if I didn’t have a word to rule them all, then I’ll probably end up with this sequence next time I want to check my non-existing bank balance:

Please enter log in name:

pieterk

Your password has expired.  Please enter new password:

thor

Your password requires a minimum of eight characters.  Please try again:

thorshammer

Your password requires a capital letter.  Please try again:

Thorshammer

Your password requires a numeric number. Please try again:

1 Thorshammer

Your password doesn’t allow spaces. Please try again:

1Thorshammer

Your password requires a symbol key.  Please try again:

#1THORSHAMMER

Your password doesn’t allow subsequent capital letters.  Please try again:

Take#1Thorshammerandshoveitupyourassandgivemefuckingaccess

That password is already in use.  Please try again:

 

And I’m off to my happy place with my good friend Jack.  (which I got on credit.)