Writing 101 – Day 3: Free writing (3 Songs not meant for straight guys)

Clear your mind.  Don’t think of anything.  Just write non-stop for fifteen minutes.  Allow the emptiness of your thoughts to pour onto the pages…which might result in a blank screen, would it not?  Fortunately for me, it’s easy to empty my brain.  I mean, how difficult is it to tip half a jug?

Write about the three most important songs in your life — what do they mean to you?  This actually struck a chord…

I have listed numerous songs over my blogging career.  Songs that have a very specific meaning on very specific moments of my life.  This week I’ve mentioned two already.  In order to prevent this blog from becoming a Rolling Stone article, I needed to do something completely different with the prompt.  Again.  Ignoring the obvious, continuing on my path of becoming a rebel writer.

On my way to work this morning, I was belting out a tune in the car, trying to shorten the ride and because no-one else in my family appreciates my singing.  I stopped at a traffic light and with my open window, it was evident to everyone around me which song I was karaoke-ing.  The lady in the car next to me laughed in my face, which made me stop.  For I realised that there are a few songs that should not be publically enjoyed if you’re a straight man.  The song I am referring to was “Single Ladies” from Beyonce.

Except for the catchy lyrics and incredible hook, there is the music video.  You know the video that resulted in Kanye acting like a prick on stage a few years ago.  Technically Kanye doesn’t need any help in making an ass of himself, he pretty much does that on his own.  The point I’m evidently failing to get across, and you can’t really blame me; this is an exercise of an empty mind…

We’re suppose to write and not think about the stuff we are writing.  Sentence construction and typos and continuity doesn’t matter.  Where’s my coffee?  Oh there it is.  Love my  mug, got it as a present from a colleague a few years ago.  Wonder what he’s doing now?  He was such a lazy worker.  Ah the coffee is really good…

Now where was I?

The video.  Once you hear the song you can’t help but visualise that music video.  All the moves and the black and white imagery and Beyonce’s butt there is a lot more to the story.  If your imagination is as vivid as mine and you tend to lose yourself in song, you might find yourself waving the hand where the ring was suppose to go.  And that is not a good picture.

The second song I refrain from performing in public would be “It’s raining men” from that Spice Girl who got her knickers in a twist and left the group. I think her name was Gerry.  Is that not a name for a guy?  I’ll never call my daughter Gerry.  I call her Princess because she is my Princess.  I’m not planning on having more girls anytime soon, so there’s no real reason for me to debate the gender specifics of the name Gerry.

This catchy tune is dangerous as one easily forgets that you are actually singing about dudes falling all around you.  Shirtless dudes.  Buff dudes.  Tall, dark and lean dudes.  And that is enough to make any man cringe with feelings of inadequacy and homophobia.

Which brings me to the third tune on my list for the day, “I will survive” from Gloria Gaymore.  I meant Gaynor.  There is nothing wrong with the lyrics, it celebrates moving on after a bad relationship, but someone, somewhere decided that this would be a fabulous gay anthem.  In doing so, it destroyed any potential of any single/married/straight men singing it in public.  The only thing we see once this song soars over the airways, is a guy in a dress with a bad wig and enough make-up to make animal lovers go into anaphylactic shock.

I need to make a few honourable mentions which includes YMCA (which we all do when we’re drunk) or anything else from The Village People, for that matter.   And anything from The Douche aka Kanye West, because I don’t like him.

You’ll be surprised how much “mindless writing” one can conjure in ten minutes once you ignore the basic things like typing errors or sentence construction or common sense.  It might come as a surprise to know, that my typing skill, is almost as good as my talent at giving birth.

Now let’s edit.  And publish.  And see ya’ll tomorrow…