Advice for the Wife during Rugby World Cup 2015

I’ve posted this before but there might be an odd chance that the Wife missed it.  Here is the short, personalized version without a back story.  The opening game is tonight and I’m running out of time.  Let’s do this!

For the love of my life:

1. Leave the remote in clear line of view.  Do NOT move the remote from it’s regular storage space.  If you suffer from a brief spout of insanity and decide to move it, you will hear deafening screams and an occasional f-bomb when I frantically look for it. It’s also your duty as a mother to protect Princess by warning her to leave the remote alone.  Dude knows.
2. If there is even a remote chance that you would actually be handling the remote, do NOT change the channel. Ever. If doesn’t matter how sick you are of seeing thirty grown men chasing an egg shaped ball.  Do NOT change the channel!
3. Do NOT ask for permission to watch Binnelanders during games.  At best you will be ignored, at worst, well, I cannot be held accountable for my actions during this tournament.  Don’t we own another television?
4. Do NOT ask any questions about the shirt I’m wearing.  It IS the same one.  If my dirty shirt bugs you, then it should be washed when I sleep and ready to wear before I wake up.  Unless I’m planning to sleep with it, as would be the case if the Boks are winning.
5. Do NOT comment on the consumption of beer. It’s going to happen, copiously.
6. Do NOT comment on the amount of friends running through the house.  You might not care for the smell of testosterone, biltong, beer and the constant shouting but there are some great air-fresheners on the market nowadays.
7. Do NOT comment on the fact that I might be watching a replay of a game and for the love of god do NOT take the side of the referee during said replay, unless off course I consider the referee to be the best human being on the planet.  Besides you off course.
8. Do NOT expect my normal level of attention.  Well, maybe just a quickie, after the game, if our team won. But then I won’t be taking off my Springbok shirt.  Don’t worry I’m planning to buy you flowers before the first game.  Hopefully they would last for the full tournament.
9. Do NOT ask any questions about the rules of the game.  You will only get grunts.  Unless it’s interpreted incorrectly by the idiot referee in which case everyone watching will have an opinion on how the rule should be interpreted.  My advise would be to sit back and learn.
10. Do NOT expect any help or assistance whilst a game is on.  This includes, but are not limited to our house being on fire, you going into labor, the dog dying or one of our kids falling down the stairs.  You are a strong, independent, gorgeous woman whom I know will be able to handle all of life’s little mishaps on your own. After you bring me a beer.

Let’s back the Boks!! Go South Africa, bring it home!!

Remember love, these are the times when we should remember our wedding vows, love you!!