It’s getting hot in here

“…so take off all your clothes…”

I’m kidding…unless you want too…nah…I’m just messin’ with ya…but would you be interested…I’m still kidding…DOWN BOY.

I blame the heat.

Me @ nine in the evening.

Me @ nine in the evening.

Living on a round planet dictates that we have to share summer between the northern and southern hemispheres.  As it turns out, the South are now suppose to be basking in the warm, soothing rays of SUN.  Only we’re not.  We’re frying.  “Basking” is not a verb I would use when one enters an oven every time you try and venture outside.

Some of you who are freezing your nuts off right about now, might even consider me an inconsiderate dufus for complaining about warm weather.  You’re probably thinking: “Why doesn’t he just get of his arse and embrace the sun. Maybe catch a tan. Do something useful.”

Truth be told, crimson red is not a good colour on any human being.  A guaranteed result from spending thirty-three seconds outside.  I gained a thorough understanding as to why a lobster has the need to scream when it’s being cooked aka slowly tortured to death. This insight was handed to me as I attempted gardening, two weekends ago.  (And I’ll never eat lobster again.)

I just have one question for my friends up North: What the f…did you do to SUN to piss her off this much?

To say SUN is pissed off would be like saying the Second World War was a minor disagreement. SUN is absolutely livid.  She’s using every opportunity to chuck ferocious heaps of fire onto poor EARTH, who’s just sitting there nodding.  He’s all dried up and opted to stay alive by keeping his mouth shut.  Let the biaatch blow of some steam. CLOUDS dissipated to their room, listening to a remix of Go West.  They know better and just keep out of her way, which implies RAIN has no opportunity to call an intervention and salvage whatever is left of this situation.

What caused such a huge domestic disturbance among the heavenly bodies?  Did EARTH mention MARS again?

In the mean time, I’m melting, losing gallons of sweat streaming from my armpits, soaking my shirt.  Nice.  I feel so sexy.  I shouldn’t complain as I’m probably losing weight, sitting down.  It might have been better if it wasn’t for the soggy chair and inefficient air-conditioner.

I took this picture last week, as I got into the inferno which at some point was called a car.

2016-01-06 16.37.44

Yes I have a blue tooth.  Focus.

For the sake of clarity…

The time on the clock is 4:37, to be read as 4:37 PM or 16h37, depending on your preference.  In other words, I was working late.  Eight minutes late, to be precise.  BUT the important figure would be the 44°.  This is recorded as Celsius because I live in a civilized, progressive country that uses the metric system.

If my unit converter is working properly, this should be around 111.2 °F.

And that my friends, is frigging hot.

PS – Since I wrote this post CLOUDS were allowed out of their room, so RAIN made a brief appearance. We’re thankful, except for the fact that I now have a Chinese Torture Device in my Bedroom.  

SUN is highly pissed off again today…JEEZ.

28 thoughts on “It’s getting hot in here

  1. I remember days like that when I lived in Virginia. Sidewalks hot enough to blister your feet, the road melts the tires on your car down to the rims, the digital clock/thermometer at the bank melts. Glad you got some relief from RAIN. Now get WIFE to silence that sound in the bedroom again.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. HAHA because I live in a civilized, progressive country. F yeah.
    I live in Alberta, Canada and we’re freezing here. Enjoy your heat, my sweat just forms crystals underneath my armpits the second I step outside!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh the young ‘uns of today, tut tut. Now, in the days of my youth, offices and cars did not come equipped with aircon (or bluetooth devices). I used to walk (you, know, that action which makes your legs move) three kilometers to work and back home, in sweltering heat, wearing a knee length crimplene dress and nylon stockings, not to mention the court shoes with medium height heels – standard office wear in other words. You don’t want to know what damage that did to my beehive perm and my non-waterproof mascara.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Under normal circumstances I’m always pretty cool. My kids even say that some of their friends think I’m cool. But when it comes to walking outside in those temperatures I tend to lose my cool…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Here in Florida we were still dealing with heat up until last week. I just now got out my “winter” jacket. But I know what you mean about the heat. I try not to go out during the heat of the day during our summer.


  5. WHAT?????? I cannot comprehend this, considering it was -1 in London on Tuesday. 44 degrees? Does that temperature even exist?? How are you staying alive? Are you alive? Jeeeeez.
    I hope you’re drinking enough water, is all I can say.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think i’m alive. But maybe I’m Bruce Willis in that movie. The one where he sees dead people. Well, he doesn’t see dead people. The boy sees dead people. Then he turns out to be dead people. Maybe I’m a dead people.

      Shit. Now I’m am confused and it’s too hot to be confused…


  6. And this is why I like living in the UK, to my left I have New York, who are experience record snow and to my right I have Australia who is basically melting. And then me, who is sitting in her living room a bit rainy and a windy, but I can still leave my house with getting frost bite or boil to death.

    Not that I am rubbing it you understand :-p

    Liked by 1 person

I won't bite, I promise...

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