Sh!t you don’t need to know about me

A Momma’s view posted thirty-five questions and invited anyone to participate.  Or not. Don’t get nervous!  It’s fine if you have a stick up your arse and reject the opportunity to answer the strangest list of questions ever compiled in the history of blogging.

It’s not like she knows where you live.  Or like she’s going to find you in your bed, slit your throat and eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti…Or will she?

Besides, I’m at work and just submitted my first MBA assignment, so why the hell not?

  1. Boxer shorts or budgee smugglers? I prefer to call them eagle smugglers.  It’s a size thing.
  2. What color of underwear are you currently wearing? Let me check…Red. Like Superman.
  3. How long have you been wearing them for already? Tomorrow would be 13 years.
  4. Do you ever use binoculars to watch people? No, it’s easier to stand outside their windows.
  5. Have you ever kicked someone in the groin? That’s just disgusting. I’m not an animal.
  6. Would you pull a trigger? I have and subsequently killed Bambi’s mom.  I am man.
  7. If you would meet your favorite celebrity and they would want to make out with you, would you? Off course.  Why? Did Britney finally got my text?
  8. Have you ever slept in a room and in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and having a one night stand)? I’ve got kids. They were toddlers at some point.  Toddlers don’t do sleep well.  So yes.
  9. Have you had one-night-stands? No. Never.  And why would I? I’m married to an angel.
  10. Does sex have the same importance to you know compared to when you were younger? Obviously. I am man.
  11. Have you ever eaten a worm? Never been that hungry.  Or does sour worms count?
  12. What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten? A raw piece of liver.  From Bambi’s mom.
  13. How long do you spend sitting on the toilet? Depends on what’s on my Twitter feed.
  14. What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)? Read my Twitter feed.
  15. Have you ever been peed at? Are you drunk Momma? 
  16. What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed? Like opposed to the grossest thing I’ve ever eaten?
  17. What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home? Mmmmmm…
  18. Why don’t you clean it? Ummmmmmm….I am man.
  19. Do you eat your boogers? I think you should stop with the wine.  I’m getting concerned.
  20. Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag? Vomit and toddler poop.
  21. Have you ever had head lice? How many bottles has it been now?
  22. Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone? Yes. But then I killed them.  Both.
  23. Have you ever been scared of someone? Constantly. She’s called Wife.
  24. What do you do and don’t want anyone to know when you are drunk? You obviously compile questions…I try to act sober.
  25. Have you tried pole dancing? I am man. So yes.
  26. Have you been in a strip club? I am man. So no.
  27. Have you run over an animal? Unfortunately. But he was a major disappointment in my life.
  28. Have you ever peed in snow? I live in Africa so in the event of seeing white stuff we do everything in it.  And I mean everything…
  29. Have you ever made fun of someone and then regret it? Unfortunately. Then I had to pay  after I finished her food.  I didn’t think she would be offended when I called her out for having the personality of a pig.
  30. What’s your favorite kind of question of Cards for Humanity (for those who know the game)? The embarrassing ones.
  31. If the father of your best friend would hit on you what would you tell him? To go to hell.  I’m not into older men.
  32. Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age? I am man. A happily married man. So no. Besides, what would I wear?
  33. Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth? I’m not an animal.  Off course I do.  If you don’t you should be shot. Like Bambi’s mom.
  34. Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink? If I was a waiter I probably would’ve by now.  There are a lot of pricks in this world.  Some wear budgee smugglers.
  35. Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out afterwards? Yes. Because she was able to suck both my nostrils and tonsils (which I didn’t have at the time) into her mouth.

Let’s just all agree that this has to be the weirdest questionnaire I’ve ever attempted to answer.  It’s also been the most fun. Thanks Momma!

Be sure to check out her blog if you haven’t already.

23 thoughts on “Sh!t you don’t need to know about me

  1. Hehehehe… Well, I have one more question: How can you have kids and manage to have never been peed at (totally sober at the moment)????

    Thanks so much for answering! You made me laugh a lot! And your answer for question 4 is creepy!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

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