I’m a genius and the Internet has proof

I have superior intellect and that means two things, I could have solved world hunger or become a super-villain… If I only knew about it…  Up until a few hours ago I never knew I was a genius.  An ex-girlfriend did tell me once: “You think you know everything, don’t you!” But I assumed she was just being a sarcastic bitch.  I didn’t expect a compliment whilst I was in the process of breaking up with the evil twin of Cruella de Vill.

Whilst surfing the Internet, killing time at work searching for work related information, I discovered my unknown talent.  Talk about wasted years. I’ve spend at least two of them arguing with the teenagers in my life, when I could have just told them how I know everything.  Discussion done.  I didn’t. Damn it brain.  You failed me.

Fortunately I stumbled upon a site which disclosed this extremely well kept secret to me. It lists five characteristics shared by a group of humans who belong to the category of NOT-stupid-at-all.

1. You are curious about everything.
   Do you continually read up on a variety of subjects, follow a variety of blogs and find yourself frequently running to the Internet to look up answers to questions that pop into your head? Geniuses are naturally curious.

There is nothing to add, as my response is basically yes, yes and yes.  Just this morning I was reading about Genghis Khan because someone claims he killed so many people it reduced earth’s carbon levels by almost 700 million tons.  And that’s a lot of humans.  

I also wanted to find out why everyone hate Nickelback so much.

2. You talk to yourself.
This is true. If you’re frequently teased for being caught talking to yourself, don’t worry; this can be a sign of genius.  

I always assumed that me talking under my breath in reply to a comment of the Wife was a sign of immaturity.  Who knew?  

I also enjoy singing when I’m alone, as I have the kind of singing voice that makes flowers die.

3. You read constantly.
Many people enjoy reading. Geniuses are nearly obsessed with it.

And reading in the context of this list didn’t exclude comics, graphic novels, Asterix journals, my Twitter feed, humour blogs, road signs and/or the back of air freshener bottles when I sit on the loo. I basically read all the time.

4. You enjoy challenging your own intellect.

I think therefore I am and surround myself with people who challenge me every second of the day.  I call them Dude and Princess.  They’re the reason I’ve cancelled my Google subscription because teenagers know everything already.  But that was in a time before I discovered my own geniusness. Look mom, a new word.  (I think I’m gonna touch myself a little tonight.)

5. You are forgetful.
There is something to the idea of the absent-minded professor. Extremely bright individuals often overload their minds with a lot of complicated things.

So the time I forgot my kid at school was not bad parenting after all.  And me forgetting to buy the ONE item which I went to the store for in the first place, is not old age.  And the fact that I missed our anniversary… It’s all signs of genius, my love. 

See, I told you, I’m probably one of the biggest non-stupid people in the world.  If you still don’t believe me, here’s the proof.