Three nights in Bangkok.

In the past I would arrive in a new city, drop my luggage and go and explore.  Those were the days…of my youth.

Now I’m basically too exhausted to do anything.  It’s mainly due to delayed flights, many hours in transit, long hours in a cab, age, disturbingly long queues through customs and me not being able to sleep through any of it. (Did I say age?)  In summary, it took my almost 32 hours to get from my house to the hotel in Bangkok. And I had a function to attend.  I’m not complaining, it’s business after all…

No excuses, right. *talk to self*  My readers expect me to be observant and report. Which is what I’m doing.

I had the pleasure of waiting in line at customs in Bangkok behind a man with body odour so bad I was convinced he was a zombie.  Or farted constantly.  I’m not lying, I think vultures were circling above. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t have to wait in the queue forever. I’ve added three extra years to my already mature frame.  I finally got into a cab with a small, non-English speaking, friendly man with a ponytail.   Not that I’ve seen many big men so far, but he looked rather petite. And not petite in a cute way.

The hotel was nice, my room even better.  Mainly because I was upgraded to an executive suite.  Lucky me. (And now you hate me.)  The best thing about the room is the toilet that can only be used by a hydro scientist.  I was able to spray my whole torso trying to use it so I will stick with the more conventional, western methods for future reference. There is also a television in the bathroom.  Fortunately the Wife isn’t with me because I don’t think I would get her out of there.  Especially when the soapies come on.

Business was interesting like an hour long documentary about the function of nasal hair.

Went to Patpong but I was a bit disappointed to hear about the ping-pong shows because I forgot my racket at the hotel so I didn’t go. Saw crickets and spiders and shit being sold on the street but I’ve never been that hungry. And I’m also not on a Survivor dining challenge. We are civilized down here in Africa and stick with beef.  Chicken is the closest thing we have to a vegetable.  Some barbarians also eat fish.

After the conference a bunch of us decided to go for a drink at the skybar.  The place was so expensive that the night turned into a very long one filled with many beers at many different venues. We also had street food and I ‘m happy to report that I haven’t died from salmonella poisoning….yet.

I’m still recovering from too many beers and this happened two days ago. My liver might never forgive me. I’m not sure if I still have one.  I will never drink again. *wife laughing hysterically in the background*  I have to say that driving around the streets of Bangkok in a tuk-tuk is much more fun than one would expect.

I had to check out of my small apartment and when I arrived at the airport an hour later a random man from Nepal started up a conversation. Which was fine until he wanted a selfie with me. Then it turned weird, so I asked him why.  He replied it was for the memories so I got myself out of there very quickly, him left without a photo of me. I still needed to get on a plane and didn’t really want to end up as some drug mule for the Nepalese.  I heard Thai jails or not a preferred holiday destination.  It was that or me ending up in a bathtub filled with ice, missing a kidney. I love my organs, even though my liver would disagree.

I slept on the plane and got freaked out by watching Don’t Breathe before disembarking in Dubai for the second part of this trip.  As always, it was a great experience.

As a celebration hop over to my other site, A Song Diary for a catchy tune about the city. (Yes I run two blogs, and it’s like having a blogging affair. A lot of effort.)