It’s Spring and there is an eclipse, so that must mean something.

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No it’s not me in this stockphoto, I have an actual job.

Spring has arrived in the Southern hemisphere and not a moment too soon.  I was slowly turning into the saddest person alive because of Winter. Because Winter is cold, dry, miserable and unforgiving, just like my ex.

But now we’ve finally reached a time where I can celebrate because things are about to change.  Flowers will bloom, grass will turn green and every person suffering from Rhinitis will get red, watery eyes and start to sneeze uncontrollably due to the release of pollen.  Because plants can be spiteful, just like me ex. Continue reading

You had one job to do. Just one.

Stupidity is a human condition. A rampant desease that infects people like a zombie virus. No-one is safe. Sometimes it’s only a momentary lapse of reason but there have been reports of severe cases where complete idiots are running around sharing their germs with the rest of us on a full time basis. And just like a zombie virus we run the risk of these infected ones spreading irrational thoughts and actions to the point of causing an apocalypse of intelligence on the planet. We constantly need to stomp out these dim-witted individuals. How about a register?

I receiced a call from our security company a few weeks ago about a parcel that is to be delivered to our plant. Nothing strange except for the fact that I am never called about deliveries. Continue reading

Chuck Norris has a brother. And I think I’ve met him.

I was sitting in a pub in Dubai, minding my own business, reading my Twitter feed where people are still saying Hello to Adele and Donald Trump is still acting like a lunatic. Or is he?

Then he plunked himself in the open seat next to me, making a very loud, but painful noise. Like he was having a contraction or worse.

“I’ve broken three ribs,” he declares to anyone or no-one. My parents told me never to talk to strangers, so I ignored the man.

“I was released from hospital today.”

It dawned on me that he was actually trying to talk to me. Continue reading

Laugh with me #4

Here is another clip that not only tickled, but assaulted my funny bone.  I also makes me love the concept of a dash cam.  He has giving new meaning to the concept of “a delayed response”.

commitment fail

I agree that the best thing would be to run away and hide.  This guy is a danger to himself.  Maybe he should quit drinking whilst he’s at it.