I had a face-lift

Middle-aged men are notorious for changing things in order to feel young again.  Like coloring their hair, buying a fancy car and dumping their wives.  I haven’t done, nor am I planning to do, any of the above. I like my grey hair, I don’t earn enough money for a fancy car and after all these years, do you really think I’m crazy enough to house-train another female?

Besides I’m almost forty-two, it’s too late now.

I did however went for a face-lift. Continue reading

This is 40…Round 4

How the hell can I!!!!

How the hell can I!!!!

Blah blah, blah blah blah…fourth set… blah blah…things I learned…..blah…list for my kids…blah blah *burp* (excuse me)…blah…turning 40 in 13 days.

16. Don’t be afraid to be unique, to stand out in a crowd, to be the one that everyone is talking about.  Embrace your individuality, even if it’s short and covered in braces, even if it stands out like Las Vegas in the Nevada desert. (I’m wondering if my reference is accurate?)  Embrace it!  For being like everyone else is being boring.  Be yourself, you’ll be happier and content for no one can act like a different person for a prolonged period of time, not even Meryl Streep.  Ok, maybe she’ll nail it, but she’ll be the only one, for she’s unique. (See how it works)  So listen to Britney Spears until you’re forty, even if her latest album is an utter disappointment and mostly consist of garbage.  Jam to Nickelback even if the purists head bang to Metallica. Do drama. Write poetry. Read comics.  Don’t do drugs.  One day the geek and the nerd that people might perceive you to be at fourteen, will be the go-to-guy when all the major blockbusters of twenty years later will turn out to be Superhero movies!  And he still gets the girl.

17. Don’t evaluate beauty on looks alone.  Yes, off course, who wants to date a female ogre, but there is something really awe-inspiring and kinda breath-taking in how your perception will transform, once you take the time to get to know a person.  So take the time, asshole.  Your female ogre might actually turn out to be a princess.  (Which, by the way, would be a great idea for an animated movie!) Inner beauty lasts forever.  Humour never fades and kindness, patience, tenderness and those other endearing qualities only increases with age.  And even though L’Oreal and the whole frigging cosmetic industry are trying to tell you different, you WILL grow old and get wrinkles, irrespective of the gallons of shit you might have to put on your face.  The only super effective beauty treatment for eternal youth is Photoshop.  Even a facelift cannot do anything about neck skin or brown spotted hands.

18.Find something you love and do it.  And this is not meant as a sexual innuendo, it implies a hobby, or sport, or whatever your mind can conjure.  Being able to spend time on your own with something you love is not only good for stress, it also allows your mind to rant and rave in silence, thereby sorting out all the files and pieces of paper that is still not properly organized in the right cabinets.  And you won’t offend anyone, unless off course your thing turns out be talking to yourself.  In public.

19.  If you can’t say something nice about a person then shut the hell up. And don’t do what I do, do what I say.  I’m trying, goddamit.

20.  When someone gives you a compliment, say thank you.  That’s all.  It’s an art for humans to accept a compliment gracefully, for we tend to go to one of two extremes.  Woman normally go into an extensive explanation of how undeserving they actually are towards your compliment, even if you said something trivial like “Wow, your hair smells nice.”  And men, well we just know how spectacular we are, so we normally can’t stop talking when someone else finally see what I’ve known for so many years.  Oh, it is only me?  Well, as I mentioned before, just say thank you.

And as I’m now half way on this traitorous road, here’s hoping I have learned enough lessons to make it to 40!!!