The case of the missing teaspoons

I don’t know what’s up with our office kitchen but if the fridge is not a gestation chamber for toxic waste, then the teaspoons are eloping.

We are constantly having to stock up on teaspoons.  Like doughnuts at a police convention.  A lady in the office even started marking them with nail polish because that is what some women do when they want to secure their possessions from theft.  I’m not sure how it prevents the theft from actually taking place but who am I to judge what goes on in the mind of the female gender. It’s not like the nail polish is radioactive and can induce a coma on contact, it’s just red nail polish. Or maybe it’s rose pink.  Or it may even be dark coral.  No, I think it’s magenta.  Or you know what, it fuchsia, it’s definitely fuchsia.  Or… Just. Let. It. Go. Continue reading

The dissapearing teaspoons.

What a nice family photo, before the little one went missing.

What a nice family photo, before the little one went missing.

Many unexplainable things occur in our world today, the Bermuda triangle is one great example.  Others include: How does a Boeing 747 stay in the air, who invented Velcro and how can Justin Bieber sell millions of records?  These are all mysteries that’s destined to remain unsolved for eternity, like a magician’s secrets.

Then there are oddities that’s closer to home.  Weird shit like why do I always lose one sock from a pair, who places a remote on the TV and who keeps moving my wallet, keys and sunglasses around?

I have spend some time trying to make sense of the mystical things that surround my daily life and as a result sanctioned physics, rocket scientists and bad taste for the first three mentioned in the opening sentence.  (It would be stating the obvious that Aliens are hijacking ships in the Bermuda triangle)

I furthermore deducted that I may blame our dog, the wife and old age for those nice little frustrations that occur in the space of my home.

But the greatest mystery of all is The Disappearing Teaspoons.

After forty years I have yet to find any logical explanation for this freakish occurrence in my house.  The mystery deepens, as EVERY time I need one of those little metal thingies and I open the drawer, that’s hosting all the other happy cutlery, those little fuckers are NEVER there.  And as it remains an annoyance, I replenish them often, but there is never enough.  These smallest members of the cutlery family who’s single most important purpose on earth would to assist in making coffee, are always AWOL.

And one might think it’s a youthful cutlery revolution, but the little forks, they’re there.  Always smiling, shining, hoping anxiously that I would find some use for them instead of the fall back position of requiring teaspoons.  But one cannot make coffee with a fork.  I’ve tried.

It’s probably a teenage thing, the teaspoons disappearing just when you need them to do something. Like my son hiding behind a closed door with seven of his mates playing Playstation3, when I know he only owns three remotes.  How does that work?

Or there is a huge pile of teaspoons, hiding in some refuge camp, trying to escape the daily abuse of being plunged into boiling hot water and being swung around violently.

Or if it’s none of the above, and we have a teaspoon devouring monster living in our garage ceiling.

Other than that I’m out of options and highly frustrated.  Because now I have to wash another teaspoon before regulating my caffeine-blood ratio.  I’m volatile.  And about to go out and buy another six of those little motherfu…