Breaking your arse and other realities of the South African judicial system


People with confused expressions were lining the hallways.  All of them sitting on the hardest bench in the history of mankind, waiting. Waiting to die, waiting to live, waiting for an absolution that would never come… (Sorry, I watched Titanic last week.) In reality it was nothing that dramatic, they were all just waiting for their turn in the witness stand, ready to condemn another criminal to a few months in prison.

Which is why the Wife and I were spending the day surrounded by cops and robbers. Continue reading

Idiot? Or Genius?

It has been confirmed on numerous occasions that people are capable of strange and stupid things.

When you watch this video below you will witness a naked guy robbing a liquor store in a small coastal town called Port Shepstone, South Africa.  The go-to reaction would be to condemn this man to full blown idiot-status.  Who in their right mind takes off every piece of clothing and use it to cover their face and then steal a few bottles of bourbon in their birthday suit? Based on my experience, a person normally gets rid of their clothes AFTER the consumption of liquor…not BEFORE.  (Did I say, experience?  I meant to say based on what I’ve heard…)

So this takes a very specific kind of stupid, right?  I mean who does that?  Running around arse-in-air, their head completely covered, stealing whisky… Continue reading

My car was stolen. (Sort of…)

It was a long business meeting, a fun-filled event that made pulling out your own hair kind of appealing.  By the time our torture finally ended, I was famished and suggested lunch.  This was surprising considering how much bull shit we were fed.  We stopped at the mall and had salad and bagels and steak.  My two esteemed colleagues wanted to pop into the pharmacy, where you find an array of things to pop and left me with the bill.  Hence the reason why I really, really, really like them.

After relinquishing some hard-earned cash, I picked up my wallet and phone.  I would have picked up my keys too, but realised they were missing in action.  After searching for them underneath, on top, behind and through the table, it dawned on me that they must have fallen out of my pocket.  Karma was pissed of with me.  I was succumbed by a mild wave of panic, which included a flustered face and elevated heartbeat.

I retraced my steps into the parking area, looking down like I was the Hunchback of Notre Dame. Continue reading

This is a new one. The old wife was stolen.

Imbeciles.  Delinquents.  Degenerates. Despicables. Vermin. *Fu.. Assholes.  All words that accurately describe people who take what they want even if the thing they take doesn’t belong to them.  *Frigging thieves…

Have you seen me?

Have you seen me?

I became another statistic last week.  And here is the short version simply because I’m tired of telling the long one.  Five colleagues went on a business trip.  They stopped for lunch because I was hungry.  Some *lesser human jammed the car’s remote signal.  The five got back with their stomachs full and the car empty.  The car was missing two laptop bags. Continue reading