According to TIME Magazine, I am awesome

Meryl Streep once said, as she accepted an Emmy: “You know there are some days when I myself think I’m overrated – but not today!”

Let’s be clear, I will never compare myself to the greatness that is Mrs Streep, simply because I’m better.  But don’t take my word for it.  TIME Magazine says so, in a letter I received yesterday.  And who am I to argue with such an esteemed publication?

The letter read:

Continue reading

An open letter to Father Time

Dearest Father Time

Guardian of moments, Provider of anguish, Governor of opportunity, Healer.  I would have liked to mail this letter to you, but as you’re always on the move and have a habit of never leaving a forwarding address, I had to revert to the only mode of communication I think you might end up taking a glimpse of.  Here’s hoping, anyhow.

It is important for you to browse the words, meticulously crafted together in one marvellous apology.  An apology on behalf of the human race.  I have to admit that I didn’t get permission or a proxy to represent mankind in this endeavour, but I’m sure they’ll thank me later.  This apology has been overdue for a very long… well, time.

From that very first moment when our naked bodies are plucked or squeezed from our mother’s womb, you become an integral part of our existence.  Right up there with oxygen and breast milk.  As crying, wriggling infants we might not be aware of that fact, but our parents are.  They’re already thinking of the day when we won’t wake up eight times in the night, poo ourselves and cry, just because we can.  They’re going through the motions and wait anxiously for time to pass so that we can turn into bigger versions of ourselves.  Upgrades who can sit, shit, talk and walk, by ourselves.  Please forgive them, as every parent has done it at some point, but it’s a normal reaction as a result of little or no sleep, limited knowledge and heaps of frustration.  Every parent in those early years of our kids existence are just happy they made it through another day.

Point is we’ve been on your case to move.  We’ve been urging you along.  Maybe even sitting on a horse, threatening you with the long, rolled up whip in our holster.  Encouraging you to run a little faster.

And it continued for a few years.  Just when we think the next era of raising children would be better than the previous, we sit anxiously discussing the risks/challenges of the next phase.  What would they be like as teenagers?  Will they make good friends?  Will they find love?  Will they be happy?  Instead of taking the time to exhale and enjoy the moment.  And I’m sorry.

But one day we wake up, and it’s a seemingly normal day.  The sun shines brightly in the clear, cobalt blue sky.  Birds chirp happily, greeting each other enthusiastically as they watch the butterflies partying on flower petals.  And man knows instinctively that something changed.  There is a shift in the cosmos.  Man feels it brewing deep in his soul, and his body tenses in anticipation of the event.  Then the kid walks into the room and it hits him.  A ton of bricks crashes through the ceiling.  An eruption, the likes last seen by the citizens of Pompeii.

The children have grown up!  Little adults has taken over the bodies of the toddlers that was living in the house the day before.  And it hurts, not like being punched in the gut by Dwayne Johnson, No, it hurts like when your heart is suddenly withering away, and the agony spreads through your limbs.  For in that instance man knows that his lost something he didn’t realise he had in the first place.

And we blame you.  Again.  This time we’ll be throwing insults and emotions at you, like an African hippo spreading his shit in the water. Futile and senseless.  For those moments are gone forever.  The sand has flowed through the opening and is now laying on the bottom section of the hour glass.  Moments will rush into memory, moments connected to all those missing years, the lost opportunities and the countless times when we should have cherished time.

We will blame you for following our wishes; for speeding up time.  And I’m sorry.

And then there is the blasphemy, the biggest sin we commit against you; when we pray for our weekends to arrive.  I’m sorry that we are ignoring the fundamental gift of a day, for taking that opportunity and throwing it carelessly over our shoulders.  A spoiled brat who doesn’t like the Christmas gift he received from his uncle.  We all sit in a heap of wrapping paper and a wide array of toys, but we’re unappreciative.  Just race past the five days we have to get to another weekend.  In so doing wishing away more than three-quarters of our life.

We want you to be Usain Bolt for five days and then sit on the pavement like a homeless person for the next two.  I’m truly sorry that we can’t make up our minds.

The ironic thing about this apology is that there are no guarentees that mankind will stop our behaviour and take a moment to truly appreciate the awesomeness of life and the opportunities you provide daily.  And you might ask what is the value of an apology if the behaviour is not going to change. For that I do not have an answer, but know this: I might be the only person who wrote you an apology but many other great humans have commented on the value of your existence and acknowledged your body of work.

People like Abraham Lincoln who said:  “The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” or

CS Lewis who wrote: “The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an  hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.”

(Many more snippets of wisdom have been sprinkled across centuries, and the Internet was kind enough to collect most of them.  Just ask Google or Firefox for access.)

Mankind may never fully understand how important time is.  We most probably will continue throwing wishes and insults at you for being too quick or too slow.  However there is one fundamental truth:

At the end of our journey you hand the baton of life over to the Grim Reaper who’s waiting for every human on this planet, or any other planet for that matter.  Here’s hoping that for every baton you hand over, you’ll be doing it with a smile, for that would imply that the person you’re representing in those final moments, understood the concept of time at least once in a crucial moment of his life.

Yours sincerely

Ah dad…

PS – I know I’ll make you smile.  At least once.  And it was today.

Times flies…No, it moves like a friggin bullet.

Tic-toc. Tic-toc. Two seconds gone.  Disappeared forever.  Unrecoverable.  And the older I get the shorter these seconds become.

The latest signpost on my journey, highlighting this fact, is the coming Easter weekend.  Since when do we celebrate this holiday twice in one year?  Didn’t the last Easter weekend happen like two months ago? And we had Christmas in between.  I am convinced we still have some chocolate eggs left somewhere.  Is time moving so fast, that my life only consist of holidays and birthdays now?  What’s happening?

When I was younger a summer holiday felt like it lasted forever, there were days when you didn’t know what to do.  I now understand why mom chased us outside, when we would walk into the kitchen, slump down on the table and complain: “I’m bored.”

In my annual summer break, I barely have enough time to stop thinking about work or shut down like my friend says, and then when I finally get in my zone, I have to start work again the next day!

Father Time has an obvious inferiority complex, probably because he didn’t feature in Rise of the Guardians.  So here’s what he did.  He got some steroids from Lance Armstrong, who obviously doesn’t need it anymore, and now he is pumping iron and training like shit.  I heard he chucked his sandals and stick for some Nike’s and a bike and now his gunning it!

My wife’s theory is less dramatic, but I’ll share it in any case.  She reckons it’s because people only live for weekends.  During the week we are constantly making plans and counting the hours until the next Friday.  By doing so, we actually don’t appreciate the shitty other days of the week. Like Monday or Tuesday.  Urrgh.

If you consider this theory to be true, and we only enjoy Friday, Saturday ad Sunday, people are actually only enjoying 43% of their week or worse of their entire adult life. This is really scary, and I checked the stats with a calculator.

We need to understand that time doesn’t just fly anymore, it friggin moves, like a bullet or a rocket of Flash or Superman.  Just think of the fastest thing on earth and you get the idea.

We therefore need to consume time, we need to grab it and use it for that’s the only way to keep it, even if it’s only in our memories.  We should be like children again and not allow time to pass us, because if it does, we will not catch up again.  I am convinced that the older we get the faster time moves, and therefore it should give new meaning to the phrase “Make every second count.”

By the way Happy Easter, and don’t worry if you miss my daily post next week, I’m taking a short sabbatical with the family.  The only condition is that we all have to leave our electronics at home.

Yes, feel my pain.