The newly weds.

I got a window seat because I love to fold my legs behind my ears in order to sit comfortably on a plane.  All the isle seats were taken and like every other flight I’ve taken in Australia, this one was packed too.  The couple took both seats next to mine.  Fortunately she chose the middle seat and being small and petite, I knew there wasn’t going to be a lot of in-flight wrestling about the arm rest.  That thing was mine, bitch!

They were attractive in an Abercrombie and Fitch kind of way.  All smug and groomed and pretty.  She wasn’t ugly either.  I have to admit, I wasn’t paying that much attention to them, as I was already halfway through Episode 5 of Stranger Things which, for those of you who is still living under a rock, is frigging awesome!  (You need to binge watch it today.  It will blow your mind and I want to adopt those kids.  Especially the chubby one.)  Geeks have never been so cool.  Well, present company excluded, off course. Continue reading

I attended a Ghananean wedding

That’s a lie.  I actually did not.  My beer accomplice and I was killing time, waiting to get to the airport and expose my fragile mind to the boarding procedures of a plane to Senegal.  As if Ghana wasn’t exciting enough.  The wedding in question took place at the hotel where I stayed, right next to the pool area, in full view of all the foreigners who was lounging around amidst certain health scares of the region.

Wedding guests arrived, erratically.  It was impossible to guess when the actual ceremony was suppose to start. Citizens of Ghana are not notorious for excellent time management.  At first I thought they moved the Oscar ceremony to Accra.  For I’ve never seen that much sequins and sparkle on that many bodies since…well ever.  I’m a guy so I don’t keep track.  I do know that the red carpet at the Academy Awards should just bow out in shame.  As for Joan Rivers, well she would have an orgasm, if she was able to comment on the things I saw.

Like any wedding reception you would have the usual suspects.  The lady who wore the flying saucer on her head and the guy who look like the love child of a penguin and a pirate captain due to a seriously ill-fitting tux. Continue reading

My moment at a wedding


No, it’s not the real McCoy it’s borrowed from

We recently attended a wedding of a nephew.  It’s really spectacular to be invited to these functions because at a certain stage of your life weddings and births slowly turn into funerals and eulogies.  And we are now in the in-between-phase.  That point in your life where jack-shit happens.  The only spark of a social event is a forty year-old birthday party every now and again.

Things haven’t change since I last attended a wedding.  The bride looked amazing in a big white meringue dress with a trail.  The groom looked surprisingly handsome, although even Frankenstein would look semi-presentable in a tuxedo.  At least he wouldn’t ruin all the photo’s.   All three bridesmaids looked extremely uncomfortable in their weird colour, same themed dresses, which they will NEVER wear again.  The three best men were standing big-chested, probably thinking about all the single lady reputations that will be ruined during the course of the evening.

The wedding march struck its first notes and doors swung open.  People stood up in unison like a programmed robot army and the little girl throwing rose petals didn’t trip or fall.  Success!  Then the bride appeared in the opening and everyone gasped.  A few mom’s (and dads) cried.  The reverent spoke,  rings were exchanged and the groomed kissed his bride.  Popcorn replaced confetti. WTF?

The speeches were boring, but the MC was hilarious. (Yes, it was I) and the food was excellent.  Dessert was a buffet so the wife was in heaven and I was slightly annoyed at the constant queue at the bar.

In order to prevent the piece from becoming to cynical, there were moments of greatness like the groom singing a song, and the father dancing with the bride, very uncomfortable though because without the 27 inch heels, her dress was a tad too long.  It was time for the bride and groom to sway through their interpretation of a romantic song and the floor was opened.  They dimmed the lights to allow the people without alcohol induced courage to join in. The wife and I laughed as we spun around the floor in our own little blissful world.

Then came my moment…

I stood up and walked purposefully to her chair.  She was playing with her hair, twirling it around her fingers.  Sitting in quiet awe, watching everyone intently.  I pulled out her chair and asked her for the next dance.  She looked up, beaming with a blend of excitement and shyness, placing her hand in mine.  Together we walked onto the dance floor.

I told her how beautiful she was in her little black dress with the silver sandals.  I took her gently around her tiny waist and she placed her hand on my shoulder.  Then we danced.  And her eyes sparkled.

I knew the song would end and I didn’t want it to.  I wished that time could slow down, wished that our moment would last forever.  I wanted to keep her as close to me for eternity, never letting her go.  I knew it wasn’t meant to be.  One day she would become that striking lady in the white dress.  She will be a radiant and astonishingly gorgeous bride.  She will marry the luckiest man alive.  (I just pray that he doesn’t turn out to be a prick.) And then he will be the man who make her eyes smile, just like I did in that precious moments.

Our song ended with the last verse fading into silence.  She looked up into my eyes and grinned with a wide, happy mouth.  I lifted her high into the air and swirled her one final time.  She giggled loudly and before I placed her on the floor she said: “Thanks daddy, I love dancing with you.”

She scurried over to my wife and as my love caught my gaze, I had to blink to keep the tear from rolling down my cheek.

Love and a grey parrot.

“What’s his name?” I asked.

“Polly.”  Wow, that is original.  Polly the parrot.  “And we’ve had him for more than five years now.”

“Can he talk,” I asked again.

“Oh yes.  Sometimes he doesn’t keep quiet, then we just cover his cage with a towel or something.”

“Well he hasn’t said anything yet,” SHE said dryly and I giggle like a teenager, I think I even blushed.

“Well maybe he is just not used to you guys.  Try talking to him, maybe he’ll lightin up later.”

Anne returned to her other guests and left us with the big grey parrot. The one who didn’t live up to his reputation.  He was sitting in a big cage on the table between us, saying nothing, just playing mute.  He sat on that stick, checking me out with beady little eyes.  This was his practical joke of the century.

The brief conversation with our hostess couldn’t finish quick enough, as I was having blissful moments in the spacious kitchen.  Frankly speaking, I couldn’t care less about the stupid bird on a stick.  I was infatuated with her and I couldn’t keep my eyes of the vision that was sitting opposite me at the table.

I couldn’t get enough of  her blue eyes sparkling with mischief and energy.  Her incredible wit and dry sense of humour.  Her long curly hair that cascaded over her shoulders.  Or her perfect smile that made the sun seem like a little light-bulb.

And SHE was funny.  Everything that came out of her mouth was hilarious.  We laughed like little kids, without any reservations.  SHE was intelligent, beautiful, spontaneous, sensual, mysterious…  Did I mention beautiful?  And the most amazing thing was that SHE displayed all these qualities whilst trying to make Polly say “Hello.”

I remembered being nervous and excited, wise enough to know that my life would never be the same again.  That spending those moments with her would alter my existence, my mission in life.  I found the one, my rib.  I also knew that if I couldn’t be with her I would probably struggle to breath or contract something else that would be fatal.

Time stood still and not like in a Matrix-slow-motion kind of way, time just stopped, nothing mattered.  The party went on without us, the birthday girl cut her cake, made a wish and all the time we were sitting in the kitchen, having the best date ever.  Even though I wanted to spend eternity in that moment Cinderella had to go home, and so did I.  That was a sad moment…

I went straight to a friend’s house and said to him:

“Remember the girl I met at the party, well I really, really like her and SHE likes me; even though SHE might not know it yet.”  And they laughed and the courting began.

This amazing human being is still the greatest achievement of my entire life.  After 16 19 years of marriage SHE is still the same hilarious, loving, passionate, caring, best friend and soul mate whom inspires me daily.

I love you.